Why I Am Leaving London

Look, I just ordered a salad because it is a hot day except the salad ended up consisting mainly of runner beans and they are really long and complicated so I started not cutting them up because no-one was watching but then some of them ended up sticking out of my mouth at weird angles and then a woman started laughing at me and I felt like a weird bird being outfoxed by a worm and now I can’t finish my salad because of the scrutiny and I need to deal with the fact I now have peanut sauce up the side of my face.

That is why I am leaving London.

It is only for the weekend. Hopefully everyone will have forgotten about this incident on Monday.